Finding mr height: the podcast
Positive & practical advice from the dating trenches to help you take control of your dating life.
About The Show
From her TikTok and Instagram, @findingmrheight, dating coach Ali Jackson is joined by friend & stand up comedian Erica Spera (@spericaa) to bring you their positive and practical dating approach in podcast form. Their straightforward attitudes, often with some humor on the side, will help you tackle modern dating issues while building confidence and staying authentic to your true self. Follow along @findingmrheight for even more content!
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Meet your Hosts
Ali Jackson is a 35-year-old dating coach with a positive mindset who’s been there, in the trenches, looking for her person in New York City. She’s taken her experience and turned it into personalized programming designed to help you refine what you’re looking for…and then go get it. Now, she brings that expertise to the world of podcasts alongside her good friend, ERICA. Learn More or follow her on TikTok & Instagram.
Erica Spera is a New York City based stand up comedian. She has been seen on The Late Late show with James Corden, and was one of TBS’ Comics to Watch. She has opened for comics such as Taylor Tomlinson, Bert Kreischer, Patton Oswalt, Jared Freid, and more! Spera also hosts the popular podcasts “Finding Mr. Height” and “Shooters Gotta Shoot” all about dating and relationships. You can follow her @Spericaa
Going through a breakup? Anxious thoughts feeling overwhelming? Struggling with dating app burnout? Hit Ctrl+F (or Command+F) to search for the perfect episode.
Episode #94 - the first dating definitions one
If you were hoping to hear us get fired up over the definitions of made-up words…your wait is over. This week begins our series on dating definitions and we kick things off with debating why all these definitions even exist.
Episode #93 - the dating after trauma one ft. allyson roberts
*TRIGGER WARNING* This episode contains accounts of sexual assault. If you’d like to avoid, stop listening around minute 48 (we say trigger warning within the audio as well). Ali & Erica welcome cognitive behavior expert Allyson Roberts (@allysonroberts_ on TikTok & IG) onto the pod this week.
Episode #92 - the dating app openers one
Hey, listeners! Big question for you…what’s your favorite dating app opener? We’re sharing ours this week (and Erica has an idea that Ali just might steal) plus a few that you submitted! From keeping things interesting (even when they might not be) to dealing with an empty profile, this episode has got you covered.
Episode #91 - the chaotic singles one ft. cassidy davis
Finding Mr. Height is getting chaotic this week…chaotically single, that is. It’s our first in-person guest interview where we sit down (on lawn chairs in Ali’s empty apartment – apologies for the slight echo) with Cassidy Davis (@casidynashdavis), creator and host of the Chaotic Singles Parties you’ve seen all over TikTok.
Episode #90 - the introducing erica one
It’s Erica’s first official episode as Finding Mr. Height’s new cohost! We’re kicking things off with an introduction for the listeners using questions *from* the listeners.
Episode #89 - the farewell one
And…that’s a wrap for Roark! Ali & Roark sit down for the last time to record her final episode. Emotions were high during this interview-style episode where Ali peppered Roark with questions from the listeners.
Episode #88 - the judging one ft. adam & evan
it’s a podcast collab between Ali & Roark and Adam & Evan of the “I’ll Be the Judge of That” pod. The four debate common dating scenarios and ask – “can you?” Like – can you get engaged at another person’s party? You’ll hear just about every perspective on this episode.
Episode #87- The First Cheating One
Shockingly, Ali & Roark haven’t dedicated a podcast to the topic of cheating yet. Today changes that. They start by discussing a well-known dating question: once a cheater always a cheater?
Episode #86- The Eighth Grab Bag One ft. Therapy Jeff
Jeff joins the podcast for a Grab Bag episode that covers everything from the “ick” to the honeymoon phase to sleeping with someone “too early” to liking bad boys (and girls)!
Episode #85- The Sixth Hot Topics One
They answer listener questions about noticing a new dating prospect pulling away, feeling uncomfortable with a date’s alcohol consumption, and deciding whether to continue seeing someone when there is a complicated past.
Episode #84- The Second Finances One Ft. Nicole Lapin
Ali records with author and financial expert Nicole Lapin this week. They talk about how finances can affect relationships and cover topics ranging from pre-nups, developing “FQ” (aka financial intelligence) & so much more!
Episode #83- The First Finances One
Thoughts and prayers to Ali & Roark this week as they wade into the murky waters of dating and finances. Money can be quite the taboo topic and they hope to start breaking that down by discussing sensitive questions.
Episode #82- The Fifth Hot Topics One
Ali & Roark tackle three Hot Topics: asking your partner to plan more dates, handling a partner’s job opportunity in another country, and whether to date a virgin.
Episode #81- The Breakup Bestie One ft. Kendra Allen
This week, Ali & Roark chat with Kendra Allen aka Your Break Up Bestie! They talk all about actionable steps to recover from a break up, and they dive into Kendra’s new book, “The Break-Up Workbook.”
Episode #80- The Manifesting One ft. Haley Hoffman Smith
Ali & Roark welcome Haley Hoffman Smith to the podcast to talk all about manifesting. Haley is an author, podcaster, and manifestation coach and breaks down the concepts for Ali, Roark, and the listeners.
Episode #79- The Second Career One
This week they’re talking about skills that make someone a good manager, how to be intentional in your career, and navigating imposter syndrome.
Episode #78- The Seventh Grab Bag One
They answer a variety of questions such as double-messaging on dating apps, dating someone who still co-habitates with their ex, how to respond when your new partner “drops a bomb,” and dealing with a bad first kiss.
Episode #77- The First Career One
They share their very different career paths and start answering some listener questions about finding mentors, asking for a raise, and developing work/life balance.
Episode #76- The Second Ask a 30-Something Man One
Ali & Roark welcome the next “30-something man,” who happens to be Mr. Nobody. He answers questions about being friends with exes, date prep, feeling ready for exclusivity, and picking someone up IRL.
Episode #75- The Second Bad Date One
They analyze what a “bad date” even is and how to determine if you’re on one, and how to navigate asking for a date to be over, or how to get out a second date you don’t want to go on.
Episode #74- The Matchmaker Maria One ft. Maria Avgitidis
It’s a super-sized episode this week because Ali & Roark have way too much to talk about with Matchmaker Maria! Maria Avgitidis is the CEO of Agape Match and the host of the “Ask a Matchmaker” podcast.
Episode #73- The First Bad Date One
Time to talk about bad dates! We have all had them, and this week, Ali & Roark share their absolute worst date stories (Ali’s is a real doozie).
Episode #72- The Fourth Hot Topics One
Hot Topics are back as Ali & Roark go in depth with three listener questions. Hot Topics include: a guy who calls his ex his “girlfriend” when he tells stories that involve her; whether a listener is being too hard on her cute neighbor’s social media presence; and more!
Episode #71- The Dating After Cancer One ft. Melissa Berry
Ali & Roark are joined by the Cancer Fashionista Melissa Berry to start the conversation about two big topics – dating after cancer and dating after 40.
Episode #70- The Third Hot Topics One
The conflict series comes to a close (for now) as Ali & Roark discuss conflict resolution. They discuss defensiveness, saying “sorry,” when to compromise, and using relationship check-ins to keep lines of communication open.
Episode #69- The Friendship One ft. Jillian Richardson
They discuss navigating conflict with friends, how to make new friends, friend “break ups,” and overall celebrate the complexity of female friendships!
Episode #68- The Second Conflict One
The conflict series has turned into a trilogy – because of course it has. On this episode, Ali & Roark answer questions listeners sent in after the First Conflict One, including: how to make conflict healthier, how to confront “unsolvable” problems, and how to deal with recurring arguments on the same topic.
Episode #67- The Matchmaking One ft. Chi Love
Chi (@nyalovebychi) runs her own matchmaking business and is here to answer all our listeners’ questions and how to be your own matchmaker!
Episode #66- The First Conflict One
First, they discuss when they think it’s worth bringing up a topic that could cause conflict. Then, they focus on how to handle hard conversations like when you feel like you might shut down, what happens if you cry through it, and do you re-open the conversation if you think of something else to say later.
Episode #65- The First Ask a 30-Something Man One
Matt tackles a variety of different questions like what makes a profile “swipe-able,” whether men tend to be intimidated by smart women, and if men want women to offer to pick up the check.
Episode #64- The FMH Glossary One
Covering all the major exes that are worthy of a nickname. They hope this will be a good reference episode in case you’ve missed any relationship origin stories.
Episode #63- The Dating With Herpes One ft. Erica Spera
Erica brings her vulnerability and humor to the pod to share her experience dating with herpes, bust herpes myths, and answer listener questions like when and how to disclose with a new partner.
Episode #62- The Third Hot Topics One
They start with a question about friends who choose to stay friends with your ex. Then, they tackle a question about disclosing *your own* red flags.
Episode #61- The Closure One ft. Abby Medcalf
The focus of the conversation is closure – what is it, why do we want it, and how can we get – but Abby goes much further and they probably could have talked for hours because she is so darn lovely and interesting.
Episode #60- The Astrology One ft. Aliza Kelly
They discuss topics like what does it really mean to have a particular sign? Is your sun sign the be all end all? And should we *really* not date THAT sign (you know which one we mean)?
Episode #59- The First Long Distance One
They take a few listener questions about how to *date* long distance (how to be in a relationship long distance will be saved for a later episode).
Episode #58- The Dating After Divorce One ft. Desiree Simone
Desiree offers her perspective on sharing your divorce story with a new partner, and, if you’re dating someone who is divorced, how to discuss it with them without being invasive.
Episode #57- The Sixth Grab Bag One
In this round of Grab Bag questions, they tackle dating as an introvert, breaking up with someone you live with, whether an age gap is too much to overcome in dating and many more!
Episode #56- The Lovebombing One ft. Meghan Wainwright
Meghan talks about what it felt like to experience a “whirlwind” romance and the moments that gave her pause and the red flags she should have seen more clearly.
Episode #55- The Chronic Illness One ft. Gigi Robinson
The three discuss how to tell others about a chronic illness, how to hype yourself up when your body image isn’t at its best, and how to know you’re “enough.”
Episode #54- The Gaslighting One
They analyze how the term has become vastly overused in a way that can sometimes undermine how genuinely serious real gaslighting is.
Episode #53- The Timeline One ft. Laura Behnke
Laura Behnke didn’t have a relationship until she was 35, and she comes on the pod to say “who cares” to following anyone’s timeline but your own. The three discuss embracing your life without a partner, being fully yourself on dates, and much more!
Episode #52- The First Love Language One
They walk through the five different love languages, then discuss the utility of the framework, its shortcomings, and their own experiences sharing their love languages and receiving their partners’.
Episode #51- The Widowed Mom One ft. Krista St. Germain
Krista and Ali talk about losing a partner, moving forward and dating again, and how to integrate grief.
Episode #50- The Therapy Jeff one ft. Jeff Guenther
You may recognize Jeff from your TikTok FYP. He is incredible at doling out bite-sized relationship advice you absolutely need to hear, and Ali & Roark think you’ll love this episode.
Episode #49- The Second Hot Topics One
Answering questions like burn out from solid first dates that don’t turn into seconds dates & more!
Episode #48- The Third Breakup One ft. Amy Chan
Amy used her own breakup as a catalyst to change her life and she shares with Finding Mr. Height listeners how to come out of a breakup stronger than before, and how to avoid getting stuck in negative loops so that we can move onward and upward.
Episode #47- The Second Breakup One
This time they’re discussing what it’s like to be the one initiating the breakup. They start by discussing the difficulty of knowing whether your relationship problems are “normal” or “breakup worthy.”
Episode #46- The First Breakup One ft. Dara Pollak
Dara is a wonderful and vulnerable storyteller, and she shares her emotional journey from relationship to breakup to moving forward afterwards.
Episode #45- The Second Anxious One
They cover a huge range of topics including how to share your needs, how to self-soothe, when to bring your partner into your anxiety and ask them for help, and how to manage anxious feelings about being on the same page.
Episode #44- The First Anxious One
Dating can (and does) frequently cause anxious thoughts and feelings, so Ali & Roark start the multi-episode series by discussing some tried-and-true anxiety management strategies they use.
Episode #43- The Stylish One ft. Alyssa Dineen
We discuss discovering your personal style, being confident in your clothes, and what to never wear on a first date. It’s a super fun conversation and don’t blame us if it results in either a closet clean out or a trip to your favorite store!
Episode #42- The First Hot Topics One
For their first Hot Topics episode, Ali & Roark read a listener’s screenshot and discuss whether she should go out with the guy she’s texting, they answer a question about a guy whose friends secretly spied on their date, and more!
Episode #41- The Couples Therapy One ft. Charisse Cooke
Charisse covers a ton of ground and answers listener questions such as how to handle having doubts about your partner, how to get what you need from a relationship, and how to set boundaries in a gentle way.
Episode #40- The Family One
They answer questions like when’s the right time to meet someone’s family? Along with many more and share horror and success stories of their own.
Episode #39- The Multiple One
Ali & Roark talk through the logistics and emotions of that early-dating phase. Topics include, how to tell someone you’re still open to dating others (and whether you have to), running into someone you’re dating while on another date, and how to manage your attachment.
Episode #38- The Fifth Grab Bag One ft. Shaun Galanos
They answer all sorts of questions about direct communication and vulnerability. This is the longest episode yet because the three have way too much fun laughing, commiserating, and agreeing with each other.
Episode #37- The Second Attachment One ft. Kristie Taylor
Kirstie, a dating and relationship writer who authored the book What I Wish I Knew About Love, drops about 83 insightful bombs this episode as the three women discuss their own attachment journey, and answer your questions!
Episode #36- The First Attachment One
This week, they define each attachment style, discuss where their styles came from, and share a few anecdotes about navigating dating through an attachment-style lens.
Episode #35- The Aligned One
Ali & Roark discuss a HuffPost article “8 Things You *Don’t* Need To Have In Common With Your Future Spouse” and answer a few listener questions as they parse through what important commonalities are, and which ones matter less.
Episode #34- The Defining One
Ali & Roark are here to talk all about defining the relationship (the DTR talk). After being asked this question a whole bunch, they finally break down the concept what it means to be “exclusive.”
Episode #33- The Second Social One
This time around, Ali & Roark talk about how to navigate social media pitfalls while in a relationship and after a break-up.
Episode #32- The Social One
Is it weird if someone doesn’t have social media? How do you handle someone asking for your social media handle before you’ve gone on even one date? And once you’re ready, do you need to discuss posting your new partner on the grid?
Episode #31- The Fourth Grab Bag One
This round, topics include: how to move forward after a break up, dating in a new city, and setting boundaries in a new relationship.
Episode #30- The Swiping One
They go over Ali’s philosophy for which photos to use and debate the merits of various prompts on Hinge and Bumble. Listen to this episode with your profile open and see if you can upgrade yours!
Episode #29- The Dating & New York One ft. Jonah Feingold
They had the pleasure of watching Dating & New York – Jonah’s debut movie as writer and director – and then getting to chat with him about it. Jonah shares about his creative process, tells an incredible casting story, and discusses rom-com tropes.
Episode #28- The Opening One
Did you know this is Ali & Roark’s tried-and-true Bumble conversation opener? Filled with practical advice, this episode is all about how to get messages going and grab someone’s interest on the apps.
Episode #27- The Searching One ft. Jenna Langbaum
Jenna’s book is a unique approach to sharing stories of modern dating. In a collection of short stories, she highlights the complicated emotions and bizarre dating stories we all accumulate as we search for the one.
Episode #26- The Negging One
This week’s topic is negging: the back-handed compliment aka an insult that unfortunately permeates dating.
Episode #25- The Confusing One
They answer listener questions about the confusion of having a strong in-person connection but lukewarm texting; and what it’s like to date someone who behaves like you’re in a relationship but tells you they don’t want one.
Episode #24- The Group Chat One ft. Ilana Dunn
This week, Ali welcomes on Ilana Dunn (@ilana.dunn) of Seeing Other People (@seeingotherpeople) to co-host while Roark takes the bar.
Episode #23- The Third Grab Bag One
They read a *chef’s kiss* listener submitted Phone Throwing Moment, and this week’s Weird or Nah triggers what will inevitably be a podcast mainstay: Ali’s Anger.
Episode #22- The Exploding One
They define love bombing and talk about how tricky it can be to separate it from genuine affection and interest. Both share their own experiences being love bombed and address how to set effective boundaries when you notice love bombing behaviors.
Episode #21- The Undefined One
Ali & Roark delve into the messy topic of relationships that aren’t quite relationships, but they’re also totally relationships. We said it was messy!
Episode #20- The After The First One
Ali & Roark finally finish the first date trilogy and address after the first date. How do you tell if you’re into someone enough for a second date? They address this question and more!
Episode #19- The Queer One ft. Queer Dating Coach Ariella Serur
Ali & Roark have wanted to do an episode focused on LGBTQIA+ dating for a while now, and Pride Month felt like the perfect time! Ariella Serur, @queerdatingcoach on Instagram, comes on the pod to have both an insightful and fun conversation.
Episode #18- The Grieving One
Ali opens up about her own personal journey since her dad’s death in 2018. She shares what it is like to talk to a new partner about it and how she’s come to understand new needs and boundaries.
Episode #17- The During The First One
Ali & Roark thought discussing the first date would be two episodes, but turns out it is a trilogy! In Episode 14 they covered everything before the date and in an upcoming episode they will tackle after the first date.
Episode #16- The Second Grab Bag One
Ali & Roark are together this week for a second grab bag episode. You read that right – Ali & Roark are literally together! They had a blast recording this one in-person in New York.
Episode #15- The Not Dying Alone One ft. Logan Ury
Ali & Roark could not be more excited to have Logan Ury on the podcast this week. Logan is a behavioral scientist, dating coach, and author of How to Not Die Alone.
Episode #14- The Before The First One
Ali & Roark are back this week for part one of two episodes on a very important topic: the first date. In this episode, they discuss everything leading up to the date (part two will be about the date itself).
Episode #13- The Just Friends One ft. Seeing Other People
Ali & Roark welcome on Ilana & Jonah, the duo behind the Seeing Other People podcast, to discuss everything surrounding being friends with an ex.
Episode #12- The Motherly One
it’s a Mother’s Day extravaganza as Ali & Roark welcome their moms to the podcast! Ali’s mom Trude and Roark’s mom Christine share their dating stories, offer advice to their younger selves, and muse about the men they hope Ali & Roark will end up with.
Episode #11- The Alarming One
This week, Ali & Roark are seeing red! Flags, that is. They start by defining a red flag: how is it different from a dealbreaker, and is a yellow flag even a thing?
Episode #10- The Friendly One ft. Matt & Darcy
Ali & Roark welcome their first guests to the podcast: their best guy friends Matt & Darcy! Ever wondered what it is like to have a close friend of your preferred dating gender?
Episode #9- The First Grab Bag One
Ali and Roark are switching it up and trying all the new things! They introduce a segment where they ask, “is that weird or nah?” and answer as many questions as possible submitted by @findingmrheight Instagram followers.
Episode #8- The Inviting One
As great philosophers once said, “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” The Spice Girls were right! Which is why Ali & Roark are talking all things surrounding meeting the friends.
Episode #7- The Boomerang One
Should you get back together with your ex? The bad news: Ali & Roark don’t know. The good news: what they DO know are some questions you can ask yourself when deciding if this is right for you.
Episode #6- The Corresponding One
Ever feel like you’re having a great back and forth with a match over text, but it just never seems to end with a date? Sounds like you’re in a pen pal situation, and both Ali and Roark have been there, too!
Episode #5- The Needy One
“If he wanted to, he would” – sound familiar? Spoiler alert: Ali & Roark do not approve this message. They debunk this dating myth and rewrite the common phrase to put the focus on communication and understanding your own needs.
Episode #4- The Disappearing One
Boo! Don’t worry, this podcast isn’t disappearing, but Ali and Roark are talking about men who did! Ghosting. One of the most common problems facing modern dating.
Episode #3- The Skeptical One
This week, Ali and Roark discuss how to talk to people who are skeptical about online dating: parents, friends, and even people ON the apps (we are talking to you let’s-lie-about-how-me-met people).
Episode #2- The Unsolicited One
It’s only episode two and Ali & Roark are already tackling *that* topic…that’s right, dick pics, requests for nudes, and when a match gets too sexual too soon for your comfort level.
Episode #1- The Actual First One
Get to know your co-hosts as Ali & Roark share both their friendship origin story and walk down memory lane of relationships past.
Episode #0- The First One
Finding Mr. Height: The Podcast – a teaser! Meet dating coach Ali from her @findingmrheight TikTok and Instagram and her good friend Roark as they embark on a podcast.