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finding mr. height: live
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About The Show
From her TikTok and Instagram, @findingmrheight, dating coach Ali Jackson is joined by friend & stand up comedian Erica Spera (@spericaa) to bring you their positive and practical dating approach in podcast form. Their straightforward attitudes, often with some humor on the side, will help you tackle modern dating issues while building confidence and staying authentic to your true self. Follow along @findingmrheight for even more content!
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Meet your Hosts
Ali Jackson is a 36-year-old dating coach with a positive mindset who’s been there, in the trenches, looking for her person in New York City. She’s taken her experience and turned it into personalized programming designed to help you refine what you’re looking for…and then go get it. Now, she brings that expertise to the world of podcasts alongside her good friend, ERICA. Learn More or follow her on TikTok & Instagram.
Erica Spera is a New York City based stand up comedian. She has been seen on The Late Late show with James Corden, and was one of TBS’ Comics to Watch. She has opened for comics such as Taylor Tomlinson, Bert Kreischer, Patton Oswalt, Jared Freid, and more! Spera also hosts the popular podcasts “Finding Mr. Height” and “Shooters Gotta Shoot” all about dating and relationships. You can follow her @Spericaa
episodes
Going through a breakup? Anxious thoughts feeling overwhelming? Struggling with dating app burnout? Hit Ctrl+F (or Command+F) to search for the perfect episode.
Episode #166 - The Female Friendships One ft. Danielle Bayard Jackson
Ali & Erica are back for another episode about friendship, featuring incredible friendship coach, Danielle Bayard Jackson! Danielle’s upcoming book, Fighting for Our Friendships, is all about the science behind women’s relationships and she brings us SO much knowledge: from deepening your bond with an acquaintance, to the influence our friends have on our romantic relationships, to how we should romance our friends, too.
Episode #165 - The First Date One
Ali & Erica have a first date guide for you this week! We’re breaking down everything you need to know: getting from dating app convo to date, pre-date texting guidelines, first date arrival logistics, conversation tips to avoid and awkwardness, and so much more.
Episode #164 - The Ick One
Have you ever gotten the ick from a match or a date? Ali & Erica have rounded up all sorts of icks from the listeners and we’re debating them on this week’s episode. It’s a fun and silly one this week!
Episode #163 - The Pretty Much Done One ft. Julia Mazur
Have you ever considered picking up and moving to a new city? Julia Mazur, host of the Pretty Much Done podcast, did just that. Having spent her whole life in Los Angeles, she moved to Austin after a break up and has never been happier. And, in addition, to her move, we get into a great discussion about hyper-independence and how it can affect relationships. It’s a conversation you don’t want to miss!
Episode #162 - The Thirteenth Hot Topics One
Ali & Erica are back with questions submitted by you, the listeners! We start with the age-old question: should you give a ghost a second chance? Then, a listener has a crush at work – how can she get this man on a date? Or should she give up? And lastly, we advise a listener who is about to visit a long-distance situationship.
Episode #161 - The Ask A Matchmaker One ft. Maria Avgitidis
Your calls have been answered…Matchmaker Maria is back on the pod!! We’re answering all sorts of listener questions, Ask A Matchmaker style. For example: how do you balance a hoe phase with dating intentionally? What should you learn about someone before sleeping with them? And so much more…
Episode #160 - The Meeting IRL One
How do people meet IRL these days?! Are there things we can be doing, places we can going, openers we can be using to make it all feel easier? This week, Ali & Erica are breaking down their best tips on meeting people “in the wild” plus sharing some of yours. We cover everything from body language when you’re out alone to opening lines for a cute stranger to going in for the number exchange.
Episode #159 - The Hello Hayes One ft. Alexandra Hayes
Ali & Erica are welcoming an advice column legend to the pod this week…it’s Hello Hayes, answering all your questions about friendships! We start by diving into her Six Besties Theory and then get to your questions – ranging from navigating a friendship breakup to feeling like the odd one out in your friend group.
Episode #158 - The Test Test Manifest One
Dating apps getting sued? Financial columnist scammed out of $50k? Ali & Erica reading a book about manifesting? We’re rounding up the week’s most unbelievable stories on this week’s episode. Tune in for our (non-lawyer) verdicts on the dating app case, our advice for future scam attempts, and the kickoff to the next few weeks of attempting to manifest using the book E-Squared by Pam Grout.
Episode #157 - The Twelfth Hot Topics One
Ali & Erica are answering your questions this week! First, a listener worries she’s slipping into a FWB situation. Next, we give advice for letting someone know you’re newly single (hint: do not use the company Slack). Next, a listener wonders why her first dates keep getting “friends only” vibes from her – is she doing something wrong? And lastly, a listener in a long distance relationship struggles to bring up something she found in her boyfriend’s apartment.
Episode #156 - The Third Fertility One ft. Jordana Abraham
Ali & Erica are continuing our fertility series with a third installment this week, welcoming Jordana Abraham back to the pod. In this deeply vulnerable episode, Jordana opens up about her fertility journey navigating pregnancy loss and the IVF process. We discuss the emotional toll this has taken and how she’s handled each step along the way.
Episode #155 - The First Race & Dating One
Ali & Erica are starting a long-awaited series, race and dating, and we kick things off as Erica interviews Ali about her experiences as a multiracial woman. Ali relates what it was like growing up in mostly-white spaces, how that impacted her world (and self) view, and ultimately her dating life. We look forward to more episodes in the future digging into various aspects of this vast topic!
Episode #154 - The F The Fairytale One ft. Damona Hoffman
Ali & Erica welcome an OG of dating advice to the pod this week – Damona Hoffman, author of the new book “F The Fairytale” and host of the Dates & Mates podcast. We get into topics such as Damona’s best tips for dating mindset, how the online dating landscape has changed in her 15 years of coaching, and how race has played a role in her own dating life (and Ali weighs in too!).
Episode #153 - The Fifth Ask A 30-Something Man One
Ali & Erica are joined by Zach, a 30-something man whose friends are managing his Hinge profile. We talk about how (and why) this arrangement came to be plus what he’s learned from having someone else set up his dates. And, has it been a success? Listen and find out!
Episode #152 - The Birth Order One
Should firstborns always date lastborns? Are lastborn-lastborn relationships doomed? Or does it even matter? We’re finding out in this week’s episode, using research from around the web plus listener experiences (and our own!). Plus, a listener calls in with a PSA about gift card scams.
Episode #151 - The Eleventh Hot Topics One
Ali & Erica are answering your questions in a Hot Topics episode this week! First, a listener has a crush on a friend of a friend…does he like her back? Second, a listener wonders how to know if she’s experiencing the slow burn or just a lack of attraction. Lastly, a listener runs into an ex while on a date. Should she reach out?
Episode #150 - The Have Him At Hello One
Ali & Erica are reviewing the first dating book Ali ever read (15 years ago!!) this week – Have Him At Hello by Rachel Greenwald. The author interviewed 1,000 men about why they didn’t want second dates and we’re debating how her findings apply to modern dating. Ali & Erica both identify (mostly) with The Boss Lady…how about you?
Episode #149 - The Masculinity One ft. Rachel Sievers, M.S.
What is masculinity, anyway? How can you identify someone with healthy masculinity? How about someone who wants to equitably divide the mental load of a relationship? Rachel Sievers, M.S. – retired psychotherapist and host of The Answer To Everything Podcast – is here to help.
Episode #148 - The Smart Dating One ft. Bela Gandhi
Bela Gandhi, dating coach and founder of Smart Dating Academy, joins us this week to answer your questions! Tune in to find out why she insists her clients do video dates before IRL dates, one of the steps in her tried and true method to help her clients find partnership, particularly later in life or after divorce.
Episode #147 - The 2023 Wrapped One
How did 2023 go for us? We’re breaking it down this week. How many first dates did we go on? What lessons did we learn? And did we succeed at “more kissing, less crying”?? Plus, we’re sharing what you, the listeners, learned this year.
Episode #146 - The Mother Daughter One
In honor of our recently-launched mother/daughter trip to Portugal, Ali & Erica have invited their moms on the show! We’re answering your questions: everything from who our moms think we should date to their best tips for lasting relationships. Get a glimpse into our relationships before the trip and learn more about the itinerary at the links in either of our IG bios. We’re staying in the heart of Lisbon and then journeying down the Algarve coast in October 2024!
Episode #145 - The Gifts For Men One ft. Sebastian Conelli & Robbie Nunes
It’s that time of year where we all agonize over what to get the men in our lives, whether they’re partners, brothers, sons, or friends. So Ali & Erica sat down with Sebastian Conelli & Robbie Nunes, co-hosts of the Loud About Nothing podcast, to talk gifts. The four of us reveal the best (and worst) gifts we’ve ever gotten plus brainstorm ideas for you to use yourself!
Episode #144 - The Marry Him One
Are you too picky? Ali & Erica aim to find out this week as we dive into a book that regularly makes the rounds on social media: “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” by Lori Gottlieb. We discuss things that used to be dealbreakers but aren’t any more, whether women need to “settle” more, and how we each navigate our preferences in dating.
Episode #143 - The Waiting for Marriage One ft. Paul Schissler
Are you waiting for marriage? Or just curious what dating is like for someone who is? Comedian (and Erica’s former roommate – literally, ROOMmate) Paul Schissler joins us to chat about his journey doing just that. We answer listener questions ranging from when to divulge to people you’re dating to how to ensure you’re on the same page with what post-marriage intimacy might look like.
Episode #142 - The Different Cities One
Have you ever thought that your city is the worst for dating? Turns out most of our listeners do…so Ali & Erica are putting that to the test this week. We’re “traveling” to different cities in our dating apps and reporting back on our findings – plus sharing feedback from the listeners! Did we skip your city? Let us know at findingmrheight.com/podcast.
Episode #141 - The Second Fertility One ft Dr. Peter Klatsky
We’re back with the second installment of our fertility series, interviewing a very special guest – Erica’s doctor at Spring Fertility, Dr. Peter Klatsky! We start out by busting a few fertility myths and then get into questions from our listeners! Dr. Klatsky advises us on selecting a fertility provider, pulls back the curtain on egg freezing statistics, and so much more.
Episode #140 - The Tenth Hot Topics One
Ali & Erica are taking listener questions (and bring back Weird or Nah!) in this week’s Hot Topics episode. First, we debate a listener’s screenshot dilemma and discuss setting boundaries in early dating. Then, we discuss how (or if) to tell a friend you think she’s settling. And finally, a listener writes in for advice on working with her ex who is dating someone new.
Episode #139 - The UnF*ck Your Brain One ft. Kara Loewentheil
Are you supervising your brain? Do you even know how? Kara Loewentheil, J.D., Master Certified Coach, and host of the UnF*ck Your Brain podcast is here to help. On this week’s episode, we explore topics of anxiety, particularly in the bedroom, and how to navigate through them. Kara explains how she worked to re-train her thoughts and we dive into how socialization impacts how we think.
Episode #138 - The Life Coach One ft. Rachelle Indra
Are you skeptical about life coaches? Rachelle Indra, who literally is one herself, was too! Ali & Erica are truly enthralled by her insights this week, so much so that we actually had to FORCE ourselves to end the interview. In particular, we dive deep into moving through heartbreak & healing going into a new relationship. We also touch on balancing self compassion with accountability and how to avoid toxic positivity – while remaining positive.
Episode #137 - The r/AskMen One
What do men wish women knew about them?? Well, we asked them for you (and pulled even more insights from around the internet). We hear about things like: avoiding subtlety/hints, how men don’t want to keep chasing you, and gosh darnit it’s nice to be the little spoon sometimes!
Episode #136 - The City Confessions One ft. Mariann Yip
Have you wondered what the transition is like from single and dating to being in a relationship? Author and lifestyle blogger Mariann Yip is telling Ali & Erica all about how she went from publishing a book about her NYC dating life to starting a family…all within a year! We chat about first dates, feeling lonely in parenthood, and letting go of what you thought your timeline would be.
Episode #135 - The Tenth Grab Bag One
Ali & Erica are taking rapid fire listener questions this week in the latest Grab Bag episode! Topics range from defining “exclusive” vs “official,” determining if someone is ready to date, setting boundaries with advice from friends, to ending a date.
Episode #134 - The 37 & Single One ft. Jared Freid
Jared Freid is fresh off his hilarious Netflix special, 37 & Single, and answering your listener questions! What’s the right way to set two people up? Are there certain dating app answers he hates seeing? And many more, followed by what might be our new favorite game: Pick The Ick.
Episode #133 - The Fiscal Femme One ft. Ashley Feinstein Gertsley
We’re talking finances this week, with Ashley Feinstein Gertsley, CFP and founder of The Fiscal Femme. Are you wondering where/how to start investing? And if you’re even ready to do that? Or maybe you’re trying to create and stick to a spending plan. Ali & Erica learn some things too as we dive into all things money.
Episode #132 - The Hypothetical One
If you knew you’d meet the person you’re going to marry in 5 years, would you still date? Would you rather win the lottery or find your soulmate? Ali & Erica debate some fun dating hypotheticals this week. Tune in for what Erica would say to a room full of people she’s slept with and why Ali would just break into song.
Episode #131 - The Ninth Hot Topics One
Ali & Erica are back with in-depth listener questions, otherwise known as Hot Topics! This week, we discuss: reaching back out to someone you rejected (or always wondering what if), managing emotions when someone you’re dating updates their app profile, & who should initiate a first date.
Episode #130.5 - The Bonus One
This bonus episode features an exclusive Patreon preview to stay on track with Ali and Erica’s dating updates. Ali recaps an awkward first date that never seems to end, while Erica finds herself in a scenario where she’s fighting her instincts.
Episode #130 - Listener Storytime: Sexual Assault
TRIGGER WARNING This episode centers around sexual assault.
This week, we welcome on two incredible listeners to tell their stories. They each offer a deep perspective on both their experiences and their lives since – we can’t thank them enough for their vulnerability. If you’re out there resonating with this episode, please know you are not alone. There are no updates from Ali & Erica in this episode – stay tuned for a Patreon teaser later this week.
Episode #129 - The Men Love Bitches One
Episode #128 - The Wedding Etiquette One ft. Roark
She’sssss backkkkkk!!!!! Ali & Erica welcome former FMH cohost Roark back onto the pod as our guest this week. With Ali fresh off a bachelorette party, the three dive into wedding etiquette (especially wedding guest etiquette). Can you ask for a plus one? When is it appropriate to leave a wedding? And for goodness sake, can we please stop trying to wear white??
Episode #127 - The Jewish Matchmaking One ft. Pamela Rae Schuller
Pamela Rae Schuller is more than one thing – she’s more than Tourette Syndrome, she’s more than her stint on Jewish Matchmaking, and she’s encouraging you to embrace your whole self, too. Together, we cover a wide range of topics, including dating with a disability, matchmaking, and achieving self-love.
Episode #126 - The Wedding Toast One
For those of you who don’t know us…we’re sharing do’s and don’ts on wedding speeches, from both our own experiences and yours! How long should they be? Are certain topics off limits? And can anything be worse than a 45-minute lecture on the Boy Scout motto??
Episode #125 - The Embarrassing One
Things take a lighter turn this week, as Ali & Erica pull back the curtain on past embarrassing dating moments…and share yours! We crack up over everything from first date stomach issues to surprise queefs.
Episode #124 - the first fertility one
Episode #123 - The Oversharing One ft. Jordana Abraham & Dr. Naomi Bernstein
We’re oversharing this week! Ali & Erica welcome Jordana Abraham & Dr. Naomi Bernstein of the Oversharing podcast to the FMH family this week. The four answer several deep-dive listener questions including: how to maintain hope when early-stage dating keeps ending, approaching the engagement conversation with a partner, and deciding whether something is a dealbreaker.
Episode #122 - The Marrying For Money One
Have you ever thought about marrying for money? Ali & Erica can’t help you with that, but we’re breaking down some financial stats that may surprise you when it comes to getting married vs not. And spoiler alert, there’s way more on the topic where this came from. Let us know what else you want to hear!
Episode #121 - The Second Herpes One ft. Ella Dawson
Why are STIs so stigmatized despite being so common? Ella Dawson, whose TEDx talk on the subject has been viewed over 800,000 times, is here to talk about about it. We discuss disclosing herpes (or any STI) to your partner, supporting a partner who’s been diagnosed, advocating for yourself at doctor’s appointments, and so much more.
Episode #120 - The Ninth Grab Bag One
We’re answering listener questions rapid-fire style in another grab bag episode! We cover everything from feeling clingy in a long-distance relationship, to Hinge messaging etiquette, to balancing your needs with your partner’s.
Episode #119 - the first kids one
We’re kicking off a multi-episode series on children! We’ll spread these episodes out, and invite guests on, covering how your desire to have kids affects dating, dating with kids, choosing a child-free lifestyle, fertility…and so much more. This week, we start with Erica & Ali’s personal thoughts on having children and how it’s impact their dating lives (plus we take your questions!).
Episode #118 - The Swipe Fat One ft. Alex Stewart & Nicci Nunez
This week, we’re talking plus-sized dating with Alex Stewart & Nicci Nunez of the Swipe Fat podcast!! We take listener questions about tips for your dating app profile, achieving self confidence while dating, red flags to look for, and so much more. Note: Erica’s wifi gave her major issues this week and so Ali interviews Alex & Nicci on her own.
Episode #117 - The Speaking In Thumbs One ft. Dr. Mimi Winsberg
Let’s talk about text, baby…this week, we welcome Dr. Mimi Winsberg to the pod, a board-certified psychiatrist with over 25 years of clinical experience and author of Speaking in Thumbs. We dive into research on text communication and practical ways you can apply it to your dating life.
Episode #116 - The 30s Wisdom One
What have we learned about dating (and life) since our 20s? Where do we even begin?? Ali & Erica share go through listener submissions of life lessons since their 20s and add in thoughts of our own. It’s the big sister chat you’ve been asking for!
Episode #115 - The Dating App Fatigue One
Are you tired? Because Ali & Erica are VERY tired. Of dating apps, that is. This week, we hold space for all of your (and our) fatigue with dating on our phones – from matches turned penpals, to empty profiles, to feeling like we’re on a hamster wheel. It’s tough out there and we feel your pain!
Episode #114 - The Diet Starts Tomorrow One ft. Emily Lubin
TW: This episode addresses disordered eating and intentional weight loss. It’s an extremely vulnerable episode this week as Erica and Ali welcome Emily Lubin, of the Diet Starts Tomorrow and RIP Diets podcasts. Emily opens up about her recovery from disordered eating and the path she’s taken to get there. She shares how her struggle impacted her relationships and gives advice for navigating dating while in recovery.
Episode #113 - The Eighth Hot Topics One
Ali & Erica are diving into listener questions this week! First, a listener is frustrated at a first date who says they’re going to follow up and doesn’t. Second, we give advice to a listener who has a crush on her friend (and hope for updates!). Lastly, we dive into early dating communication. What should we “expect” and how should we communicate that?
Episode #112 - The Dating Intentionally One ft. Talia Koren
Are you trying to go on more dates this year? How about 200? Talia Koren, otherwise known as @dating.intentionally, joins FMH this week to tell Ali & Erica all about her journey from a breakup to a healthy relationship. She went on 200 dates in less than a year and shares the most important things she learned along the way!
Episode #111 - The Cheating Quiz One
Do you think everyone defines cheating the same way? We’re finding out this week, inspired by a Buzzfeed quiz that one of our listeners sent in! Erica and Ali each reveal how their Instagram audiences voted on each situation and discuss the results.
Episode #110 - The Fourth Ask A 30-Something Man One
It’s our fourth Ask A Man interview, featuring Erica’s close friend, the hilarious Jourdain Fisher. This one starts out spicy with some O-related listener polls and then we move on to peppering Jourdain with questions. And our producer Mike gets involved too! It’s a fun one all around.
Episode #109 - Storytime: Plus-Sized Fitness & Dating
*CW: This episode centers on body image and mentions intentional weight loss & disordered eating. We continue our Storytime series highlighting listener stories with Heather Boddy, a plus-size fitness professional who shares her journey with body image. The three of us dive into what fitness means to her (and what it does not), her best tips for hyping up our friends in their own journeys, and much more.
Episode #108 - The Profile Prompts One
How’s your dating app prompt game? Ali & Erica are here to help you step it up as they brainstorm their best answers to popular prompts! You’ll be starting better conversations in no time.
Episode #107 - The Non-Monogamy One ft. Rachel Wright
Don’t think you can relate to non-monogamy? Psychotherapist Rachel Wright just might change your mind. We talk about how relationship frameworks are changing, her personal journey from monogamy to non-monogamy, the difference between rules and agreements (and how to determine them), plus much more from listener questions!
Episode #106 - The We Met At Acme One ft. Lindsey Metselaar
We Met At Acme host Lindsey Metselaar joins Finding Mr. Height this week! We debate a slew of Weird or Nah and Mythbusters submissions, then dive into what Lindsey’s learned from marriage and her journey with being sober. We wrap things up with some stellar dating app banter suggestions, pulled straight from your Hinge submissions.
Episode #105 - The Dating Etiquette One
By popular demand, Erica & Ali are debating etiquette “rules” from New York’s Magazine recent article. We tackle things like “never purposefully wake up your significant other” and “you can tell any lie to leave a drinks date early.” And we get your opinions on them too! It’s a fun one all around.
Episode #104 - The Somatic Coaching One ft. Lauren Zoeller
This week is chock-full of practical nuggets as we welcome somatic relationship coach Lauren Zoeller to the pod. Together, we break down her nervous-system-based approach to coaching and even do some group exercises that you can follow along with at home. We’re all feeling a little less anxious after this one!
Episode #103 - The First Dating Theories One
Erica and Ali are back with our second installment of debating dating theories! This week, we cover theories like “if it’s not a f*** yes, it’s a f***no,” whether we’re more likely to value someone who “made us work for it,” and more.
Episode #102 - The First Dating Theories One
It’s time for a debate! A TikTok dating theories debate, that is. This week, we’ve found some popular theories to discuss, including red nail theory, having a “roster,” coffee as a first date, and manifesting your perfect partner.
Episode #101 - The Plastic Surgery One
It’s a longgg awaited topic on FMH – plastic surgery and cosmetic procedures. We dive into the shift in recent statistics in these areas and how the last few years have shifted all of our perceptions of ourselves. Then, we get personal, both sharing our own experiences with plastic surgery and how we feel about it years later.
Episode #100 - The tinder live one ft. lane more
Have you ever swiped on a dating app in a group of friends and felt a sense of community in your shared experiences? Our guest this week, Lane Moore, brings that feeling to the stage in her hilarious Tinder Live shows. We chat about green (and red) flags on a dating app profile and share our best tips!
Episode #99 - The Seventh Hot Topics One
We’re back with our latest Hot Topics, where we answer listener questions from our submission form! This week, we start out with a motion-sickness-related AITA. We then advise a listener on communication in between a second and third date, analyze a drawn-out dating app conversation, and discuss how to frame when you’re taking a break from work.
Episode #98 - The Third Ask A 30-Something Man One
Ask and you shall receive…it’s Ali’s brother on the pod! Drake (no, not *that* Drake) joins us for our third installment of Ask A Thirty-Something Man and we answer a ton of listener questions ranging from how guys – or at least Drake – feel about a woman asking them out to whether “bad timing” is just an excuse.
Episode #97 - The dating wrapped one
You’ve seen the videos all over social media…for our last podcast of the year, we are bringing you our own FMH version of Dating Wrapped! We share YOUR annual dating stats plus review our own year in dating, including how many first dates we went on, how many we actually wanted second dates with, and how many went…further. We wrap things up with our dating goals for 2023, informed by what we’ve learned from this year!
Episode #96 - the first storytime one ft. tara resnick
We’re introducing a new series on Finding Mr. Height…Storytime! Where we’ll hear from listeners as they share their stories and the lessons they’ve learned. This week, Tara Resnick joins the pod to tell us about a 5-year toxic relationship that she struggled to end. She shares how hard it was to “blow up her life” at 37 and where she’s at with her journey two years later.
Episode #95 - the second dating definitions one
Dating Definitions is back for round two! We continue last week’s discussion, starting with the wiiiiiild number of ghosting-adjacent terminologies. Who knew haunting and orbiting were different? And what is a sneaky link? Or a groundhog?
Episode #94 - the first dating definitions one
If you were hoping to hear us get fired up over the definitions of made-up words…your wait is over. This week begins our series on dating definitions and we kick things off with debating why all these definitions even exist.
Episode #93 - the dating after trauma one ft. allyson roberts
*TRIGGER WARNING* This episode contains accounts of sexual assault. If you’d like to avoid, stop listening around minute 48 (we say trigger warning within the audio as well). Ali & Erica welcome cognitive behavior expert Allyson Roberts (@allysonroberts_ on TikTok & IG) onto the pod this week.
Episode #92 - the dating app openers one
Hey, listeners! Big question for you…what’s your favorite dating app opener? We’re sharing ours this week (and Erica has an idea that Ali just might steal) plus a few that you submitted! From keeping things interesting (even when they might not be) to dealing with an empty profile, this episode has got you covered.
Episode #91 - the chaotic singles one ft. cassidy davis
Finding Mr. Height is getting chaotic this week…chaotically single, that is. It’s our first in-person guest interview where we sit down (on lawn chairs in Ali’s empty apartment – apologies for the slight echo) with Cassidy Davis (@casidynashdavis), creator and host of the Chaotic Singles Parties you’ve seen all over TikTok.
Episode #90 - the introducing erica one
It’s Erica’s first official episode as Finding Mr. Height’s new cohost! We’re kicking things off with an introduction for the listeners using questions *from* the listeners.
Episode #89 - the farewell one
And…that’s a wrap for Roark! Ali & Roark sit down for the last time to record her final episode. Emotions were high during this interview-style episode where Ali peppered Roark with questions from the listeners.
Episode #88 - the judging one ft. adam & evan
it’s a podcast collab between Ali & Roark and Adam & Evan of the “I’ll Be the Judge of That” pod. The four debate common dating scenarios and ask – “can you?” Like – can you get engaged at another person’s party? You’ll hear just about every perspective on this episode.
Episode #87- The First Cheating One
Shockingly, Ali & Roark haven’t dedicated a podcast to the topic of cheating yet. Today changes that. They start by discussing a well-known dating question: once a cheater always a cheater?
Episode #86- The Eighth Grab Bag One ft. Therapy Jeff
Jeff joins the podcast for a Grab Bag episode that covers everything from the “ick” to the honeymoon phase to sleeping with someone “too early” to liking bad boys (and girls)!
Episode #85- The Sixth Hot Topics One
They answer listener questions about noticing a new dating prospect pulling away, feeling uncomfortable with a date’s alcohol consumption, and deciding whether to continue seeing someone when there is a complicated past.
Episode #84- The Second Finances One Ft. Nicole Lapin
Ali records with author and financial expert Nicole Lapin this week. They talk about how finances can affect relationships and cover topics ranging from pre-nups, developing “FQ” (aka financial intelligence) & so much more!
Episode #83- The First Finances One
Thoughts and prayers to Ali & Roark this week as they wade into the murky waters of dating and finances. Money can be quite the taboo topic and they hope to start breaking that down by discussing sensitive questions.
Episode #82- The Fifth Hot Topics One
Ali & Roark tackle three Hot Topics: asking your partner to plan more dates, handling a partner’s job opportunity in another country, and whether to date a virgin.
Episode #81- The Breakup Bestie One ft. Kendra Allen
This week, Ali & Roark chat with Kendra Allen aka Your Break Up Bestie! They talk all about actionable steps to recover from a break up, and they dive into Kendra’s new book, “The Break-Up Workbook.”
Episode #80- The Manifesting One ft. Haley Hoffman Smith
Ali & Roark welcome Haley Hoffman Smith to the podcast to talk all about manifesting. Haley is an author, podcaster, and manifestation coach and breaks down the concepts for Ali, Roark, and the listeners.
Episode #79- The Second Career One
This week they’re talking about skills that make someone a good manager, how to be intentional in your career, and navigating imposter syndrome.
Episode #78- The Seventh Grab Bag One
They answer a variety of questions such as double-messaging on dating apps, dating someone who still co-habitates with their ex, how to respond when your new partner “drops a bomb,” and dealing with a bad first kiss.
Episode #77- The First Career One
They share their very different career paths and start answering some listener questions about finding mentors, asking for a raise, and developing work/life balance.
Episode #76- The Second Ask a 30-Something Man One
Ali & Roark welcome the next “30-something man,” who happens to be Mr. Nobody. He answers questions about being friends with exes, date prep, feeling ready for exclusivity, and picking someone up IRL.
Episode #75- The Second Bad Date One
They analyze what a “bad date” even is and how to determine if you’re on one, and how to navigate asking for a date to be over, or how to get out a second date you don’t want to go on.
Episode #74- The Matchmaker Maria One ft. Maria Avgitidis
It’s a super-sized episode this week because Ali & Roark have way too much to talk about with Matchmaker Maria! Maria Avgitidis is the CEO of Agape Match and the host of the “Ask a Matchmaker” podcast.
Episode #73- The First Bad Date One
Time to talk about bad dates! We have all had them, and this week, Ali & Roark share their absolute worst date stories (Ali’s is a real doozie).
Episode #72- The Fourth Hot Topics One
Hot Topics are back as Ali & Roark go in depth with three listener questions. Hot Topics include: a guy who calls his ex his “girlfriend” when he tells stories that involve her; whether a listener is being too hard on her cute neighbor’s social media presence; and more!
Episode #71- The Dating After Cancer One ft. Melissa Berry
Ali & Roark are joined by the Cancer Fashionista Melissa Berry to start the conversation about two big topics – dating after cancer and dating after 40.
Episode #70- The Third Hot Topics One
The conflict series comes to a close (for now) as Ali & Roark discuss conflict resolution. They discuss defensiveness, saying “sorry,” when to compromise, and using relationship check-ins to keep lines of communication open.
Episode #69- The Friendship One ft. Jillian Richardson
They discuss navigating conflict with friends, how to make new friends, friend “break ups,” and overall celebrate the complexity of female friendships!
Episode #68- The Second Conflict One
The conflict series has turned into a trilogy – because of course it has. On this episode, Ali & Roark answer questions listeners sent in after the First Conflict One, including: how to make conflict healthier, how to confront “unsolvable” problems, and how to deal with recurring arguments on the same topic.
Episode #67- The Matchmaking One ft. Chi Love
Chi (@nyalovebychi) runs her own matchmaking business and is here to answer all our listeners’ questions and how to be your own matchmaker!
Episode #66- The First Conflict One
First, they discuss when they think it’s worth bringing up a topic that could cause conflict. Then, they focus on how to handle hard conversations like when you feel like you might shut down, what happens if you cry through it, and do you re-open the conversation if you think of something else to say later.
Episode #65- The First Ask a 30-Something Man One
Matt tackles a variety of different questions like what makes a profile “swipe-able,” whether men tend to be intimidated by smart women, and if men want women to offer to pick up the check.
Episode #64- The FMH Glossary One
Covering all the major exes that are worthy of a nickname. They hope this will be a good reference episode in case you’ve missed any relationship origin stories.
Episode #63- The Dating With Herpes One ft. Erica Spera
Erica brings her vulnerability and humor to the pod to share her experience dating with herpes, bust herpes myths, and answer listener questions like when and how to disclose with a new partner.
Episode #62- The Third Hot Topics One
They start with a question about friends who choose to stay friends with your ex. Then, they tackle a question about disclosing *your own* red flags.
Episode #61- The Closure One ft. Abby Medcalf
The focus of the conversation is closure – what is it, why do we want it, and how can we get – but Abby goes much further and they probably could have talked for hours because she is so darn lovely and interesting.
Episode #60- The Astrology One ft. Aliza Kelly
They discuss topics like what does it really mean to have a particular sign? Is your sun sign the be all end all? And should we *really* not date THAT sign (you know which one we mean)?
Episode #59- The First Long Distance One
They take a few listener questions about how to *date* long distance (how to be in a relationship long distance will be saved for a later episode).
Episode #58- The Dating After Divorce One ft. Desiree Simone
Desiree offers her perspective on sharing your divorce story with a new partner, and, if you’re dating someone who is divorced, how to discuss it with them without being invasive.
Episode #57- The Sixth Grab Bag One
In this round of Grab Bag questions, they tackle dating as an introvert, breaking up with someone you live with, whether an age gap is too much to overcome in dating and many more!
Episode #56- The Lovebombing One ft. Meghan Wainwright
Meghan talks about what it felt like to experience a “whirlwind” romance and the moments that gave her pause and the red flags she should have seen more clearly.
Episode #55- The Chronic Illness One ft. Gigi Robinson
The three discuss how to tell others about a chronic illness, how to hype yourself up when your body image isn’t at its best, and how to know you’re “enough.”
Episode #54- The Gaslighting One
They analyze how the term has become vastly overused in a way that can sometimes undermine how genuinely serious real gaslighting is.
Episode #53- The Timeline One ft. Laura Behnke
Laura Behnke didn’t have a relationship until she was 35, and she comes on the pod to say “who cares” to following anyone’s timeline but your own. The three discuss embracing your life without a partner, being fully yourself on dates, and much more!
Episode #52- The First Love Language One
They walk through the five different love languages, then discuss the utility of the framework, its shortcomings, and their own experiences sharing their love languages and receiving their partners’.
Episode #51- The Widowed Mom One ft. Krista St. Germain
Krista and Ali talk about losing a partner, moving forward and dating again, and how to integrate grief.
Episode #50- The Therapy Jeff one ft. Jeff Guenther
You may recognize Jeff from your TikTok FYP. He is incredible at doling out bite-sized relationship advice you absolutely need to hear, and Ali & Roark think you’ll love this episode.
Episode #49- The Second Hot Topics One
Answering questions like burn out from solid first dates that don’t turn into seconds dates & more!
Episode #48- The Third Breakup One ft. Amy Chan
Amy used her own breakup as a catalyst to change her life and she shares with Finding Mr. Height listeners how to come out of a breakup stronger than before, and how to avoid getting stuck in negative loops so that we can move onward and upward.
Episode #47- The Second Breakup One
This time they’re discussing what it’s like to be the one initiating the breakup. They start by discussing the difficulty of knowing whether your relationship problems are “normal” or “breakup worthy.”
Episode #46- The First Breakup One ft. Dara Pollak
Dara is a wonderful and vulnerable storyteller, and she shares her emotional journey from relationship to breakup to moving forward afterwards.
Episode #45- The Second Anxious One
They cover a huge range of topics including how to share your needs, how to self-soothe, when to bring your partner into your anxiety and ask them for help, and how to manage anxious feelings about being on the same page.
Episode #44- The First Anxious One
Dating can (and does) frequently cause anxious thoughts and feelings, so Ali & Roark start the multi-episode series by discussing some tried-and-true anxiety management strategies they use.
Episode #43- The Stylish One ft. Alyssa Dineen
We discuss discovering your personal style, being confident in your clothes, and what to never wear on a first date. It’s a super fun conversation and don’t blame us if it results in either a closet clean out or a trip to your favorite store!
Episode #42- The First Hot Topics One
For their first Hot Topics episode, Ali & Roark read a listener’s screenshot and discuss whether she should go out with the guy she’s texting, they answer a question about a guy whose friends secretly spied on their date, and more!
Episode #41- The Couples Therapy One ft. Charisse Cooke
Charisse covers a ton of ground and answers listener questions such as how to handle having doubts about your partner, how to get what you need from a relationship, and how to set boundaries in a gentle way.
Episode #40- The Family One
They answer questions like when’s the right time to meet someone’s family? Along with many more and share horror and success stories of their own.
Episode #39- The Multiple One
Ali & Roark talk through the logistics and emotions of that early-dating phase. Topics include, how to tell someone you’re still open to dating others (and whether you have to), running into someone you’re dating while on another date, and how to manage your attachment.
Episode #38- The Fifth Grab Bag One ft. Shaun Galanos
They answer all sorts of questions about direct communication and vulnerability. This is the longest episode yet because the three have way too much fun laughing, commiserating, and agreeing with each other.
Episode #37- The Second Attachment One ft. Kristie Taylor
Kirstie, a dating and relationship writer who authored the book What I Wish I Knew About Love, drops about 83 insightful bombs this episode as the three women discuss their own attachment journey, and answer your questions!
Episode #36- The First Attachment One
This week, they define each attachment style, discuss where their styles came from, and share a few anecdotes about navigating dating through an attachment-style lens.
Episode #35- The Aligned One
Ali & Roark discuss a HuffPost article “8 Things You *Don’t* Need To Have In Common With Your Future Spouse” and answer a few listener questions as they parse through what important commonalities are, and which ones matter less.
Episode #34- The Defining One
Ali & Roark are here to talk all about defining the relationship (the DTR talk). After being asked this question a whole bunch, they finally break down the concept what it means to be “exclusive.”
Episode #33- The Second Social One
This time around, Ali & Roark talk about how to navigate social media pitfalls while in a relationship and after a break-up.
Episode #32- The Social One
Is it weird if someone doesn’t have social media? How do you handle someone asking for your social media handle before you’ve gone on even one date? And once you’re ready, do you need to discuss posting your new partner on the grid?
Episode #31- The Fourth Grab Bag One
This round, topics include: how to move forward after a break up, dating in a new city, and setting boundaries in a new relationship.
Episode #30- The Swiping One
They go over Ali’s philosophy for which photos to use and debate the merits of various prompts on Hinge and Bumble. Listen to this episode with your profile open and see if you can upgrade yours!
Episode #29- The Dating & New York One ft. Jonah Feingold
They had the pleasure of watching Dating & New York – Jonah’s debut movie as writer and director – and then getting to chat with him about it. Jonah shares about his creative process, tells an incredible casting story, and discusses rom-com tropes.
Episode #28- The Opening One
Did you know this is Ali & Roark’s tried-and-true Bumble conversation opener? Filled with practical advice, this episode is all about how to get messages going and grab someone’s interest on the apps.
Episode #27- The Searching One ft. Jenna Langbaum
Jenna’s book is a unique approach to sharing stories of modern dating. In a collection of short stories, she highlights the complicated emotions and bizarre dating stories we all accumulate as we search for the one.
Episode #26- The Negging One
This week’s topic is negging: the back-handed compliment aka an insult that unfortunately permeates dating.
Episode #25- The Confusing One
They answer listener questions about the confusion of having a strong in-person connection but lukewarm texting; and what it’s like to date someone who behaves like you’re in a relationship but tells you they don’t want one.
Episode #24- The Group Chat One ft. Ilana Dunn
This week, Ali welcomes on Ilana Dunn (@ilana.dunn) of Seeing Other People (@seeingotherpeople) to co-host while Roark takes the bar.
Episode #23- The Third Grab Bag One
They read a *chef’s kiss* listener submitted Phone Throwing Moment, and this week’s Weird or Nah triggers what will inevitably be a podcast mainstay: Ali’s Anger.
Episode #22- The Exploding One
They define love bombing and talk about how tricky it can be to separate it from genuine affection and interest. Both share their own experiences being love bombed and address how to set effective boundaries when you notice love bombing behaviors.
Episode #21- The Undefined One
Ali & Roark delve into the messy topic of relationships that aren’t quite relationships, but they’re also totally relationships. We said it was messy!
Episode #20- The After The First One
Ali & Roark finally finish the first date trilogy and address after the first date. How do you tell if you’re into someone enough for a second date? They address this question and more!
Episode #19- The Queer One ft. Queer Dating Coach Ariella Serur
Ali & Roark have wanted to do an episode focused on LGBTQIA+ dating for a while now, and Pride Month felt like the perfect time! Ariella Serur, @queerdatingcoach on Instagram, comes on the pod to have both an insightful and fun conversation.
Episode #18- The Grieving One
Ali opens up about her own personal journey since her dad’s death in 2018. She shares what it is like to talk to a new partner about it and how she’s come to understand new needs and boundaries.
Episode #17- The During The First One
Ali & Roark thought discussing the first date would be two episodes, but turns out it is a trilogy! In Episode 14 they covered everything before the date and in an upcoming episode they will tackle after the first date.
Episode #16- The Second Grab Bag One
Ali & Roark are together this week for a second grab bag episode. You read that right – Ali & Roark are literally together! They had a blast recording this one in-person in New York.
Episode #15- The Not Dying Alone One ft. Logan Ury
Ali & Roark could not be more excited to have Logan Ury on the podcast this week. Logan is a behavioral scientist, dating coach, and author of How to Not Die Alone.
Episode #14- The Before The First One
Ali & Roark are back this week for part one of two episodes on a very important topic: the first date. In this episode, they discuss everything leading up to the date (part two will be about the date itself).
Episode #13- The Just Friends One ft. Seeing Other People
Ali & Roark welcome on Ilana & Jonah, the duo behind the Seeing Other People podcast, to discuss everything surrounding being friends with an ex.
Episode #12- The Motherly One
it’s a Mother’s Day extravaganza as Ali & Roark welcome their moms to the podcast! Ali’s mom Trude and Roark’s mom Christine share their dating stories, offer advice to their younger selves, and muse about the men they hope Ali & Roark will end up with.
Episode #11- The Alarming One
This week, Ali & Roark are seeing red! Flags, that is. They start by defining a red flag: how is it different from a dealbreaker, and is a yellow flag even a thing?
Episode #10- The Friendly One ft. Matt & Darcy
Ali & Roark welcome their first guests to the podcast: their best guy friends Matt & Darcy! Ever wondered what it is like to have a close friend of your preferred dating gender?
Episode #9- The First Grab Bag One
Ali and Roark are switching it up and trying all the new things! They introduce a segment where they ask, “is that weird or nah?” and answer as many questions as possible submitted by @findingmrheight Instagram followers.
Episode #8- The Inviting One
As great philosophers once said, “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” The Spice Girls were right! Which is why Ali & Roark are talking all things surrounding meeting the friends.
Episode #7- The Boomerang One
Should you get back together with your ex? The bad news: Ali & Roark don’t know. The good news: what they DO know are some questions you can ask yourself when deciding if this is right for you.
Episode #6- The Corresponding One
Ever feel like you’re having a great back and forth with a match over text, but it just never seems to end with a date? Sounds like you’re in a pen pal situation, and both Ali and Roark have been there, too!
Episode #5- The Needy One
“If he wanted to, he would” – sound familiar? Spoiler alert: Ali & Roark do not approve this message. They debunk this dating myth and rewrite the common phrase to put the focus on communication and understanding your own needs.
Episode #4- The Disappearing One
Boo! Don’t worry, this podcast isn’t disappearing, but Ali and Roark are talking about men who did! Ghosting. One of the most common problems facing modern dating.
Episode #3- The Skeptical One
This week, Ali and Roark discuss how to talk to people who are skeptical about online dating: parents, friends, and even people ON the apps (we are talking to you let’s-lie-about-how-me-met people).
Episode #2- The Unsolicited One
It’s only episode two and Ali & Roark are already tackling *that* topic…that’s right, dick pics, requests for nudes, and when a match gets too sexual too soon for your comfort level.
Episode #1- The Actual First One
Get to know your co-hosts as Ali & Roark share both their friendship origin story and walk down memory lane of relationships past.
Episode #0- The First One
Finding Mr. Height: The Podcast – a teaser! Meet dating coach Ali from her @findingmrheight TikTok and Instagram and her good friend Roark as they embark on a podcast.
